Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
