Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
