he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
