Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
