..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
