His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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