She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
