WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
