Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize