And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
