Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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