I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
her facebook's as public as her vagina
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
