everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
