I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
