it hurts more in the daytime
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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