Who wears a wallet chain?!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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