Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
