i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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