Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
