I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
