My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
