Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
