i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
