Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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