I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize