Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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