Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
