It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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