Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
