Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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