my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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