Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
