Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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