Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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