My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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