Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
