Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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