I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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