i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
