i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
