the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
