She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
