she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
