U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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