You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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