Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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