this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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