Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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