i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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