It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
