think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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