I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am mentally ready for anal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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