You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
