Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
