I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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