lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
