Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
