someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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