***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
