I just saw a hot homeless man
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
