i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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