i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
