Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
