i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
