clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
