maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize