i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
