So drunk its hurt
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
