I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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