I think I died a long time ago.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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