Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
