"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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