party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize