So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
