Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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