I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
