He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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