he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
