Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
