I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
