In the future we'll all be gay
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
