TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
