Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
