In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
