im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
